My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
