sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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