I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
just tell him i said nine months
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
