you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
