Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
