My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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