You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
