she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
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