I think I am morally bankrupt
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
