I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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