So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
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Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
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Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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