i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
