a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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