wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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