Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
