Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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