Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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