i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
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Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
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i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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