Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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