if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
