I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
