and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
