I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
