from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
