She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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