im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize