I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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