I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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