Im at strip club and am horny
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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