What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
