Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
