Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
