it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize