To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
