Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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