and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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