He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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