I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
