At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
