there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I could make wine with my vomit
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
