I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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