I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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