so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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