Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
