Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i would one night stand the shit outta him
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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