I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
