did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
