Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
