When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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