its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
40s are totally the cure
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
