I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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