we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I DEMAND FORESKIN
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize