Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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