I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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