I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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