every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
