Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
