question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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