making cat noises will not fix the situation.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
