Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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