I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
