I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
