I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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