i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize