6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
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the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
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Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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