i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
