This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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