just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
