you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
